


brave and (not) fearless

by AranelTheWhite



Category: Turn (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Could be OOC, Episode: s02e05 Sealed Fate, M/M, but this is a serious story i promise, i just really wanted ben to get hurt while trying to protect gwash okay, idek what i should tag, not very serious chapter titles, sackett still dies i'm sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 18:03:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10972539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AranelTheWhite/pseuds/AranelTheWhite
Summary: What if Gamble wasn't just out for information on the continentals? What if Sackett wasn't the only one he had planned to kill that day, but General Washington too?And what if Benjamin Tallmadge tried to protect his General, only to get severely hurt in the process?





	brave and (not) fearless

**Author's Note:**

> so this is the first time im writing a fanfic for this fandom, on this site, and in english.  
> I've written fanfiction before tho, so there's still hope I won't completely disappoint you guys.
> 
> so, as i said, English is not my first language so if you find any grammar or spelling mistakes, i'd be glad if you could point them out to me :')

Benjamin Tallmadge was running as fast as he could.

He had continued interrogating one of their current prisoners, Bill Shanks, despite General Washington’s orders not to. Even though it might not have been one of Ben’s best ideas to disobey the General once again, he just hadn’t been able to shake the feeling that the man was making a grave mistake by believing ‘Arthur Sutherland’ instead of Shanks. And now Ben had just learned that one of the Royal officers who Shanks overheard had a scar on his cheek — just like Sutherland, or rather Gamble, who was now alone in a tent with Nathaniel Sackett.

He had to get to Sackett’s tent before Sutherland could do anything to him.

 

After almost running over several soldiers and mumbling some absentminded apologies, Ben sprinted around the last few tents and halted at his destination, only to discover that he was too late.

He let out a distraught “Mister Sackett, no!” as he saw him lying in a puddle of blood, almost completely still save for a few occasional trembles. His breathing was shallow and ragged; as if he were choking on water but didn’t have enough air in his lungs to cough.

Ben knew all too well what that sound was, God knew he’d seen more than enough people die because of a sliced throat. Even though he was well aware that Sackett was a lost cause, he ran to his side and kneeled to scoop the man up in his arms, before thinking better of it and getting up again and grabbing a handkerchief, which he then pressed to Sackett’s throat.

He yelled at some guards to get a medic and then continued to plead with his – friend? Mentor? – to please not die.

There was a lump in his throat and Ben felt his eyes water as Sackett slowly grew limp in his arms. A raw sob forced its way out of his throat. “No…No, Mister Sackett, please,” he cried while burying his face in Sackett’s shoulder.

 

Ben continued sobbing for what felt like hours but could only have been a few minutes, before he remembered that there was another person who was most likely in danger now.

He sat up with wide eyes, breathed in sharply and whispered “Washington!”

 The man might not have been his favorite person at the moment, what with not trusting Ben enough to let him do his damned job and accusing him of poor judgment, but the General was also their only hope to ever win this war. Besides, even if he sometimes didn’t want to admit it, Ben definitely liked Washington. It was just the pressure of having a whole nation rely on him, the constant danger of being attacked by enemies and the added fact that he was working with barely a third of what their Congress had promised, that made the General lose it sometimes. War took its toll on everyone, after all.

Ben could also concede that he himself had indeed made many mistakes, some of which he made after the General had told him explicitly not to, so he could see why Washington had lost more than just a bit of faith in him.

But personal grudges and disagreements didn’t have a place here, this was about the General’s safety, which was more important than anything else at the moment, even more so than the information on the Culper ring, that, as Ben had noted fleetingly while holding Sackett’s body, was gone.

So, Ben got up carefully and wiped his eyes, before he quickly made his way to Washington’s tent, still distraught and stumbling a bit.

When he arrived, the General was just exiting his tent, Billy Lee a few steps behind him, and Ben was relieved to see that Washington seemed to be fine. A bit slower this time, Ben walked up to him, saluted quickly and began to speak after the General nodded at him.

“I’m sorry to disturb you, your Excellency, but you are in serious danger,” he said frantically. Washington sighed.

“Major Tallmadge, we’ve been over this- “

“No Sir, _please_ listen-,” Ben interrupted him.

“No, you listen, Tallmadge,” the General responded irritatedly. “Sutherland is with Sackett right now, even if he _were_ \- “

Ben felt the lump in his throat grow as he heard the now dead man’s name. That meant Washington hadn’t heard the news yet. “General Washington, that is the problem! You don’t understand, S-Sackett is…”

 He stopped himself to inhale sharply when he saw Sutherland – Gamble, he reminded himself – between a few small trees halfway behind the tent. That was the bad news. The even worse news? The man had a gun.

 “Sackett is what, Major?” Washington asked slightly concerned as Gamble lifted the gun and aimed at him.

 Ben stared at Gamble with wide eyes, and that was when the man noticed him. Gamble smirked at Ben, looked down at his gun, back at him and then shrugged, still grinning maliciously.

Ben acted almost without thinking as he pushed the General out of the way and sent the both of them tumbling to the ground, right as a shot rang through the air.

There was a hot, burning sensation in Ben’s gut and he cried out, his hand immediately clutching his abdomen moments before he hit the ground. 

  _The General,_ his mind supplied helpfully. Ben automatically got up again, managing to at least slightly ignore the pain.

He drew his gun and aimed at the already fleeing Gamble, which was hard since his head was swimming, there were tears starting to pool in his eyes and he obviously felt a stabbing sensation in his gut that made him tremble even more.

Ben pulled the trigger and then lowered his gun, unsure if he had even hit the man but not caring at the time, then he turned around slowly, one hand still on his hurting midsection, to see whether his General was alright.

He let out a relieved breath when he saw the man already standing, only to grow concerned once more when he saw how Washington was looking at him.

 "Sir, I'm sorry, I-," Ben apologized, figuring Washington was angry with him for pushing him to the ground.

"Major Tallmadge, you're bleeding," the General interfered with a strange tone to his voice.

"Yes, I know, Sir, I was-" Ben looked down at his abdomen, only to see that there was a lot more blood than he'd expected. "-Oh," he finished faintly, pulling his hand away to incredulously eye his bloodied fingers, not even noticing that he'd sunk down to his knees.

Now that he was fully aware of his wound, the pain seemed to increase by a tenfold. There were dark edges creeping into his vision and he dropped the gun, barely noticing that Washington was rushing over to him and stopping him from falling face-first into the mud.

   _I've been shot,_ was his only thought.  _Oh God, I've been shot._

There was shouting and a large hand pressing against his abdomen, which sent even more spikes of white hot pain through his body.

   _God, please don't let me die...pleasepleaseplease someone HELP ME!_

He wanted to scream, but only an agonized groan left his mouth. There was a gentle hushing sound and Ben opened his eyes, which he hadn't realized had been closed.

Why was his Washington there? And why...wait, _his Washington_? What was he thinking? No, his _General_.

_I'm already getting delirious...I'm going to die, Lord no, please don't let me die...But I am, my God, I'm dying._

Ben registered distant talking and strained to hear what the voice was saying, if only to stop himself from panicking even more.

"Benjamin, listen to me, you have to stay awake," the voice said urgently, although it was somewhat shaky. That couldn't be his- _the_ General, right? Washington's voice never shook. No, it had to be someone else.

 But by God, he was trying not to pass out. But the dark seemed so inviting, and Ben wanted the pain not to be there anymore. He just wanted to sleep.

_If God truly exists, I hope I get accepted into heaven...I'm going to die...please don't make me got to hell, though I probably deserve it. I-I killed people and I disobeyed the General...what have I done?  
_

His vision darkened even more and his eyelids started to droop, when suddenly the pressure on his midsection stopped there was an oddly wet hand on his cheek.

"Benjamin, can you hear me? You have to-," the voice started again, "goddamn it, you have to stay awake, Benjamin! That is an _order_!"

Oh. That _was_ the General, and now he'd made him angry again, angry enough to _curse_ , even, and that was not what he wanted. Not again, this time he was sure to be fired and probably demoted.

 _Ah, but I'm going to die anyways,_ he thought. _And the General is going to find a replacement soon, that new aide-de-camp maybe, what was his name? Hampton? No, Hamilton, that was it. I wonder why I wasn't replaced by him earlier, he seems to be intelligent and the General really likes him better anyway. Hamilton could probably continue our little spy ring without much trouble._

   _The spy ring...my friends, God, what are they going to say? Caleb and Anna and Abe...I hope they're okay, I hope they'll get along with Hamilton. I'm abandoning them, just like that, I hope they're not too angry-_

"Benjamin Tallmadge, you listen to me! Don't you dare close your eyes now, Major!" There was a stinging sensation on his cheek, a mumbled curse and then the hand on his abdomen returned.

 Had he just been slapped? Why?

Wait, that's right, he was supposed to open his eyes!

 He slowly forced his eyes open and stared at the General, trying not to give in to that oh-so-inviting darkness.

"Sir?" he whispered hoarsely, because 'your Excellency' seemed to be way too long and complicated for his tired body.

 There was a hand in his hair - why was there a hand in his hair? - as Washington smiled sadly and whispered "Shhh, don't exhaust yourself any more by speaking. Just save your strength and for God's sake, stay alive, Major."

Ben tried to nod and then he was lifted up - was that what dying felt like? Was he being carried up to heaven by an angel?

If that was the case, it was oddly disappointing. The pain didn't fade, in fact, it only seemed to get worse and his uniform was uncomfortably wet and sticky and for a moment everything became dark again.

 

He only realized that he was not dead (yet) when he came back to consciousness again and felt the rough material of a stretcher under his hands and saw Washington still walking next to him. 

Although he was confused as to why his Excellency was still there and not...in Sackett's tent, for instance, he couldn't help but be thankful.

 Then again, maybe the man didn't even know what had happened to Sackett yet. That would be terrible; Ben had to tell him.

He clumsily extended his hand and grabbed the nearest thing he could reach, which happened to be the sleeve of Washington's coat. "Sir," he muttered huskily to get the General's attention. As soon as he was looking at him, Ben began to speak.

"Sackett's dead, Sir. I'm so sorry, your Exce- Excellency, I tried to save him but I was too late and there was blood on everything and Gamble stole secret information - that's Sutherland, Sir, his real name - and he got away and now Sackett's gone and I'm sorry, God, I'm so sorry." Ben had started sobbing again, whether it was out of sadness about Sackett's death or self-loathing for not being able to do anything, he didn't know.

Ben also didn't know how he had managed to talk so much shortly after getting shot, especially since he now felt like he was going to pass out again.

He did, however, know that he should be composed around the Commander-in-Chief of the Continental Army, so he weakly tried to wipe the tears from his face and started to apologize with a faint voice.

"None of that now, Benjamin," he heard Washington say and then there was a Hand on his cheek again, much more gently this time, though. "I'm certain you did everything you could. Nobody blames you for Nathaniel's death, of that I am sure. And don't worry, one of the guards already informed me of this. But thank you again for trying to tell me, I am positive it pained you as much as it pains me that he is dead and you are injured."

The hand continued to caress his cheek for a few moments and Ben smiled, slowly sinking back into a state of unconsciousness.

 


End file.
